Human beings are
created in the image and likeness of God and therefore, they are the crown of
creation. In the Bible we read, “God created man in his own image, in the image
of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them,
and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it,
and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens
and over every living thing that moves on the earth”’ (Genesis 1:27-28). It is
not only the Bible speaks about the creation as God’ image, but all the Semitic
religions and even the Hinduism. The Bṛhadāraṇyaka
Upaniṣad explains the creation in the following way:
“In the
beginning there was only the self and in the form of a person (Puruṣa, the Supreme Being). He looked
around and saw nobody besides himself. “I alone am,” this is what he said in
the beginning… He was afraid, because when nobody is alone he tends to be
afraid. But then he thought to himself: “Since I am alone, from what do I
fear.” Fear, then, left him, for there was no reason for him to be afraid. Fear
can arise only when there is a second. He had no delight, because when somebody
is alone he has no delight. Hence he desired a second. He was such as to appear
like a couple locked in a deep embrace. He caused himself to fall (dvedhāpātayat) and be split into two
parts. These two parts are husband (pati)
and wife (patni). Being only one
half, man experiences emptiness within himself. This vacuum is filled by a
woman...” (BU 1.4.1-3). A similar creation account is also available to us in
the hymn of Puruṣasūkta of the ṛgveda
(ṛv 10.90) where the Supreme Puruṣa offers sacrifice (yajña) and the whole creation comes to
be.
Pati and patni, the Face of God
Face is what
gives identity to the person. Ordinarily, we recognize people with face. When
God created human beings, he created them in His own image and likeness. Male
and female are in fact the faces of God. Therefore we are the imago dei, the images of God. When we
see in the mirror, what reflects is not just our own face but the face of God. Therefore,
we are holy.
Pati and patni, the incomplete Face of God
Individually,
every man and woman is incomplete, but they become a complete reality in the
marriage. The fuller revelation of the image of God takes place in the
sacramental act of marriage. Therefore, the marriage sacrament or ceremony is
sacred and holy. Two equals but incomplete images of God getting united in the
sacramental act is fulfillment of the will of God. Two incomplete equals should
always match and therefore it is often said, “marriages take place in heaven” to
mean the very purpose and willed life-long companionship.
Pati, patni and their fruit, a Holy Family of God
God’s desire to
be happy is expressed in the very fact of His becoming many. Pati and patni finding their life-partners and getting united in the
sacramental act is nothing but assisting God to continue His creation by
establishing the family of God. Just as God embraced Himself (BU 1.4.3) to be
delighted, so too the mutual giving and sharing of each other in the bodily
sacramental act of pati and patni, is nothing but becoming One
Complete Puruṣa. The Bible says,
“They are no longer two but one flesh” (Matthew 19:6). Therefore, the prime
motive of every marriage is the good of the spouses (Gaudium et Spes, 48). The fruit of their creative act is begetting
children. Thus, husband, wife and their children become one family, a fuller
revelation of God’s image and likeness. It is with the begetting of children a ‘holy
family’ is fully established. The Gaudium et Spes (GS), the document of
the Second Vatican Council expresses the purpose of marriage in the following
words.
“The intimate
partnership of married life and love has been established by the Creator and qualified
by His laws, and is rooted in the conjugal covenant of irrevocable personal
consent. Hence by that human act whereby spouses mutually bestow and accept
each other a relationship arises which by divine will and in the eyes of
society too is a lasting one. For the good of the spouses and their off-springs
as well as of society, the existence of the sacred bond no longer depends on
human decisions alone. For, God Himself is the author of matrimony, endowed as
it is with various benefits and purposes” (GS, no. 48).
Tendency
of debunking the Equality and Sacredness
In today’s
globalized and technocratic world, people are so busy among themselves that they
do not have enough time to relate with each other. Family relations have
become secondary. Though the parents and the children live under the same roof,
eat the food cooked in the same vessel, eat at the same dining table, yet far
away from each other. In other words, ‘friends’ living far away are more
‘closer’ than people living ‘nearby.’ Members of the family get out and return
and get glued to the internet, chatting, watching TV programmes or stuck the ears
with ear-phones, or texting messages in the mobiles. In such environment, where
is the scope for a happy holy family?
In most of the
time, the reason for the cleavage of the bond is a misunderstanding. One fails to
understand the other. Husband thinks he is superior to his wife and vice-versa.
Children, as they grow older think that the parents have no right over them.
Recently, I came across a few reflections of a house-wife who thinks that
husbands should understand their wives better. Let me share these thoughts:
“Love her… when she sips on your coffee or tea. She
only wants to make sure it tastes just right for you.
Love her… when she “pushes” you to pray. She wants
to be with you in paradise.
Love her… when she asks you to play with the kids.
She did not “make” them on her own.
Love her... when she is jealous. Out of all the men
she can have, she chose you
Love her… when she has annoying little habits that
drives you nuts. You have them too.
Love her… when her cooking is bad. She tries.
Love her… when she looks disheveled in the morning.
She always grooms herself up again.
Love her… when she asks to help with the kids
homework. She only wants you to be part of the home.
Love her... when she asks if she looks fat. Your
opinion counts, so tell her she's beautiful.
Love her… when she looks beautiful. She's yours, so
appreciate her.
Love her...
when she spends hours to get ready. She only wants to look her best for
you.
Love her… when she buys you gifts you don't like.
Smile and tell her it's what you've always wanted.
Love her… when she has developed a bad habit. You
have many more and with wisdom and politeness you have all the time to help her
change.
Love her… when she cries for absolutely nothing.
Don't ask, tell her it’s going to be okay
Love her… when she suffers from PMS. Buy chocolate,
rub her feet and back and just chat to her.
Love her… when whatever you do is not pleasing. It
happens and will pass
Love her… when she stains your clothes. You needed a
new kurta / suite anyway
Love her…when she tells you how to drive. She only
wants you to be safe.
Love her… when she argues. She only wants to make
things right for both
Love her… she is yours. You don't need any other
special reason !!!! (Author unknown)
This
does not apply for husbands only, but also to wives and children. However, one
cannot find a perfect family without any tensions. Everyone falls and it is
the law of nature. But an ideal spouse is the one who with all the limitations
of the partner, rises the other from the fallenness, and forgives, loves and
treats as one’s own flesh and body. It is in this coming-in-union (communion)
effected by love, forgiveness and acceptance one finds an ideal spouse to live
by. Therefore, when the husband falls,
it is the divine duty of the wife to humble herself and lift up the partner,
and vice-versa. Someone has rightly said, “The road to happiness isn’t a
straight one. There are many turns and twists called mistakes; there are
traffic lights called friends, warning lights called family, and everything can
be achieved if you have: an extra tyre called the decision, a powerful engine
called love, good insurance called faith, in abundance; lots of fuel called
patience, and, above all, an experienced driver called god.”
The whole family
as a composite unit is the identity of God. God is not a distant utopian dream,
but a concrete experiential reality. When the parents teach their children to
share, care and love, they, in fact, teach them the divine attributes of God.
Such families only instill goodness in others and treat the other families as
inter-related (bandhutva). But it is
not easy to keep the other as a bandhu
always. That’s the reason we treat the creation as a yajña, divine sacrifice, (cf. the hymn of Puruṣasūkta). Spouses too perform a similar sacrifice. Every
moment, the relatives (pati or patni or the child) should burn out the
ego (aham) and the ariṣadvargas (kāma (lust), krodha
(anger), lobh (greed), moha (attachment), mada (pride), and matsara
(jealousy) and offer oneself for the well-being of the other. Only then, a
divine family can remain intact. Let this New Year bring new divine spirit into
our families and make it holy and sacred.
Dr.
Fr. Raju Felix Crasta
